The whooshing air
carries
the odor through
my nostrils
as I move through the
hospital sliding door.
It permeates the
memories
in my brain.
It is familiar.
It is reassuring.
Sharp whiffs of
betadine
and bleach.
My ears pick up
the sound of
clicking doors
automatically
opening and
closing.
We walk in
together,
but they
take him from me
to the recesses of
a back hallway.
His eyes beseech me
to follow.
I am his safety line,
his anchor
his buoy in a stormy sea.
But he must face
these strangers
without me.
I am not part
of their world
anymore.
I am only
his wife.
I will sit
and wait till
they call me.
He looks small in the
billowing white gown
with blue dots.
One size fits all.
The booties on his
feet are yellow.
Easter colors I think.
They have drawn
on his legs with
black marker.
One leg marked
with a big black NO
and a frowny face.
There is a big black YES
drawn on the leg
that they will
try to fix.
They all talk at once.
The words are
familiar to me,
but not to him.
He only half listens
because he knows I
will take it all in
and know what
questions to ask.
But there are
no more questions.
I have already asked
them all.
I just want him back.
Please.
Our daughter arrives
in time for a kiss
just as he
disappears again
into a hallway
carried off by those
unfamiliar faces.
I am left alone
with her
to wait the
long hours.
I read,
I write e-mail,
I shift in the chair.
I walk,
I babble with
our daughter.
I have coffee,
I eat cookies.
I eat more cookies.
The buzzer
in my purse
goes off.
He is done.
He is fixed.
He is awake.
He is smiling.
His leg now
encased in
white plaster
with his swollen
worm like betadine
stained toes
sticking out.
But they have worked
more magic
on him.
His leg is numb.
No pain for now.
He must
now manage
without me
one more day
until I can
take him home.
He tells me
he feels different.
A piece of himself
forever gone.
Replaced with
something much
better.
I remind him
it is the way
of the world.
Replaced by
something better.
We laugh.
I have him back.
Maxine Valunas worked as a registered nurse at RWJ University Hospital for 35 years. She lives in Monroe with her husband, Joseph.
