Corrections or additions?
Prepared for the September 13, 2000 edition of U.S. 1 Newspaper.
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Peacemaker Or Pleaser? The Delancey Group
I can’t count the number of women who say they have
low self esteem,” says psychologist Fran Shusman. “They
are focusing on the negatives, but we help them focus on their
strengths.
We help women to identify the roles they assumed in their families
when they were growing up, and how they continue those roles in their
adult life.”
“The way women assume these roles may impact their leadership
style, communication style, and their `fit’ in corporate culture,”
says Binnie Shusman Kafrissen. www.thedelanceygroup.com
Kafrissen and Shusman, the daughter-mother team who wrote “Winning
Roles for Career-Minded Women” (Davies-Black, 2000), will speak
to the Central Jersey Women’s Network on Wednesday, September 20,
at 6 p.m. at the Holiday Inn on Route 1 South. Cost: $35. Call
908-281-3119
(or E-mail: princeton@cjwn.org).
Kafrissen went to Syracuse University, Class of 1990, and earned a
master’s in counseling psychology at Penn and a PhD in organizational
psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology.
Until recently she was manager of leadership and organizational
development
for PricewaterhouseCoopers, and she has also worked in organizational
development at Rosenbluth International and Prudential Insurance and
Financial Services.
Shusman graduated from Albright College in 1964 and was a full-time
mother for 20 years before earning her PhD in counseling psychology
at Temple University. She studied cognitive therapy under Aaron Beck
at Penn and is a clinical associate there as well as having a private
practice.
The pair interviewed 35 women in all levels of management and
different
industries. Some had been clients, some were referred, and others
had been in Kafrissen’s networking groups at Pricewaterhouse.
“I do not like labeling people in any way shape or form,”
says Shusman. “However, in order to understand what is going on
in our lives, it is important to understand the characteristics we
demonstrate. These role categories are a way to enable us as women
to think about ourselves and look at where our behaviors came from.
Once we have some sense of what we are doing, we can make
changes.”
The book offers case histories and worksheets so women can evaluate
their characteristic roles.
What are these roles? Women sometimes spontaneously refer to
themselves
as Peacemakers, Caretakers, and Pleasers. Other roles have been named
the Entrepreneur, the Survivor, and the Maverick. “We all have
a little of all of these characteristics, and there may be more than
six roles,” says Shusman, “but usually we lean more towards
one.”
The Mavericks are the “difficult” children. Theywere told to be good girls, to be cheerleaders, to “do what wewant you to do, follow the vision we have for you.” But theyrebelled,and they keep on rebelling. “They assume a role that isindependentto the Nth degree,” says Kafrissen. “They need to have theirway in work and personal relationships, regardless of the cost. Theywill try to please clients, but they won’t think twice aboutalienatingco-workers and supervisors. Because they are very bright, people putup with them.”How a Maverick can emphasize the positive: Work in a company thatgives them the freedom to create their own work unit, so they canhire people that share their vision. “Create your own departmentor leave for an organization where you can,” says Kafrissen.The Pleaser needs to be liked and accepted. She takesorders well, and it is important for her to please her boss, herclients,and her co-workers. She wants to get good performance appraisals andmay thrive in an authoritarian situation.The Peacekeeper aims to avoid conflict at all costs. Sheis good at selling herself, is outgoing, and is good at managingteams.The Entrepreneur’s goal is to develop a new idea. Sheis self motivated, innovative, and very risk-tolerant.The Caregiver wants to take care of everyone she comesin contact with. She tends to be over responsible for people, andto take on other people’s troubles as her own.The Survivor is often reactive and helpless. “Butwhile she feels like she is stressed and has no control, she isperseveringand adapting to a variety of situations,” says Kafrissen. “Butthat is not something she will focus on.””The feedback we are getting is, that to a woman, this bookis making them stop and think,” says Shusman. “Our primarypurpose is for women to be aware of how they function, to go throughthe process of deciding to make change. It’s not about rules, butabout how to be what works for you.”— Barbara FoxPrevious StoryNext StoryCorrections or additions?This page is published by PrincetonInfo.com— the web site for U.S. 1 Newspaper in Princeton, New Jersey.
