Corrections or additions?
These articles by Kathleen McGinn Spring were prepared for the May
23, 2001 edition of U.S. 1 Newspaper. All rights reserved.
Gender Differences In Business Communications
Kirstin Carey and her mother talk while shopping,
walking, doing errands — sometimes all three at once. By contrast,
Carey has bared her soul to her father while he was watching
television
only to have him turn to her after a few minutes and ask “Did
you say something?”
Carey, owner of Small Talk Marketing and Communications Inc. in East
Norriton, Pennsylvania, says these interactions illustrate the
differences
in the ways men and women communicate, and can be the reason many
women hit a glass ceiling in business. “Men and women have
listening
skills that are very different,” Carey says. Men tend to
concentrate
on just one thing at a time, while women can listen attentively to
conversation at the same time they scan the paper, listen to CNBC,
and notice which employees are sneaking off for yet another cigaret
break.
Carey speaks on “Powerful Communication Skills for Women”
at the Central Jersey Women’s Network on Thursday, May 24, at 6 p.m.
at the Cherry Hill Holiday Inn. Cost: $25. Call 908-281-9234.
Carey says business misunderstandings because of a mismatch of
communications
skills between the sexes are common, and often cause men to think
women are weak, indecisive, and uninformed, and women to think men
are not paying attention to what they are saying. Understanding how
the opposite sex speaks — and listens — can go a long way
toward smoothing communication. Carey says women tend to take in all
sorts of peripheral information, while men bore more deeply into the
subject at hand.
She cites a study in which men and women were put in front of a
televised
news special. Quizzed about the program afterward, women were able
to go on and on about the reporter’s race, size, appearance, and
outfit.
They could describe people who walked across the set, the background,
and colors that appeared in the broadcast. “Men,” Carey says,
“could tell you only what the program was about.” And while
they did not take in incidental details, the men came away with more
information about the subject of the program.
Perhaps the most glaring, and problematic, disparity in listening
styles occurs in one-on-one business conversation with no
distractions.
As a men and women stand talking, women rely heavily on non-verbal
cues, nodding and smiling as they listen. Men tend to think it is
polite to remain silent as they listen, and fail to provide those
non-verbal encouragements. Women, interpreting the silence as a loss
of interest, clam up. As women stop adding to the conversation, men
assume it is because of their brilliant, insightful comments, and
talk all the more. Women, meanwhile, deciding their conversational
partners are rude, withdraw. “There is a perception that women
are the gabbers,” Carey says, “but men dominate
conversations.”
Carey finds communication to be the most fascinating part of business.
She started out as a business major at West Chester State (Class of
1996), but switched to speech and communications, and “learned
more about business there, about why people are persuaded to buy.”
She started her marketing career as a college sophomore when she
worked
for her future husband’s promotional business. Tom Carey, a fellow
West Chester student, had begun his first start-up, which sold hats
and T-shirts to groups.
After graduation, Carey “did the corporate thing,” working
for a series of small companies. Sometimes she was hired to do sales,
and other times to do marketing, but at each job she found herself
starting up marketing departments or initiating marketing projects.
She enjoyed the work, but after a few years returned to work for her
husband, who had added a legal courier company to his business
interests.
Soon her husband’s clients began to ask her for marketing advice.
By 1998, there was so much demand that she started her marketing and
communications company, which caters to companies with fewer than
100 employees.
As she began to see common issues in clients’ companies, Carey started
to write and speak on marketing and communications topics. Her book,
Marketing a Small or Growing Business on a Shoestring Budget, has
just been published.
Her advice to women on communicating effectively, whether as business
owners or corporate employees, includes the following:
Stand up. Even in formal business settings like boardmeetings, women generally stay seated when they speak, Carey says.But men stand when they have something to say in a meeting, and womenshould too. “It shows power,” she says. “Whoever’s headis higher has the most power.” Women need to remember thispsychologicalfact in their offices, too. If employees comes in to vent, forexample,women often stay seated as they listen to their complaints. Instead,Carey says, they need to ask the employee to sit down, or theythemselveshave to stand.Speak in bullet points. When men address a meeting, theyusually present the agenda right up front, whereas women just starttalking. “They may have an agenda,” Carey says of womenspeakers,”but they don’t make it clear.” She suggests that women starta talk by saying something like: “Today I want to talk about threeareas, budget constraints, hiring plans, and new expense accountreportingrequirements.” Then it is a good idea to give the audience anidea of how long the meeting will last, and at what time they canexpect a break. “That way,” says Carey,”they won’t be lookingat their watches.” Setting forth an agenda in this way indicates thatthe speaker is in control.Use analogies. “Men are good at this,” Carey says.”They use baseball or football.” Women don’t have to adoptthe sports analogies, but coming up with some sort of analogy —perhaps a tapestry, Carey suggests, or a machine — helps listenersunderstand what they are talking about and remember importantpoints.Root out “feeling” words. “Women tend to startsentences with `I’ and follow it with a word like `think’ or`believe,’”Carey says. Replace “`I believe the product will work well foryou’ with `The product will work well for you,’” she says. It’sthe way men speak, and it conveys confidence. Carey says women inserta word like `believe’ because they “want to let people know `It’sokay for you to disagree with me’.” Women are sensitive tofeelings,and want to make sure everyone gets a chance to add comments. Menoften interpret this conversational style as a sign that women arenot sure of themselves.Say “No.” “Women don’t know how to say`no,’”Carey says. “It makes us feel bad.” Instead, women tend totake on project after project. If a superior asks a woman to headup a task force or write a report, she often believes it is aclosed-endrequest. But, in fact, Carey says, the boss may be just trying toascertain whether she has time for something else and may be quitehappy to look for another volunteer. Whether or not this is the case,taking on too much work out of an inability to enunciate a two-letterword sabotages women, setting them up for failure.Don’t turn sentences into questions. Women often raisethe inflection at the end of all of their sentences, turning theminto questions. Carey says this common speech pattern leaves listenersroom to say “it’s not okay.” And while this accommodatingstyle feels right to business women, it sends a message to their malecolleagues that they are not sure of themselves. “You have totalk like you know what you’re talking about,” Carey says.”Women are hitting glass ceilings because we have very weakcommunication skills,” Carey says. “We have to learn to bemore powerful.”Next StoryCorrections or additions?This page is published by PrincetonInfo.com— the web site for U.S. 1 Newspaper in Princeton, New Jersey.
