Steve Schloss, a West Windsor resident who commutes to an advertising job in New York, has spent the past five years deciphering the code to a woman’s heart. Along with blogging at www.mantomantalks.com, he has also written “The Man’s Secret to a Happy and Sexy Marriage in Less Than 10 Minutes a Day” to light a fire in your bedroom. “Instead of having an unhappy, sexless marriage, it is now possible to demonstrate love and commitment to your wife in less than 10 minutes a day,” Schloss says.
“Your marriage should be the most important thing in your life,” says Schloss, who will host a booksigning Friday, August 9, from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. at It’s a Grind Coffee House, 7 Schalks Crossing Road, Plainsboro. 609-275-2919. www.-itsagrind.com. “Nothing will give you a better return on investment than focusing on having a wonderful, loving relationship.”
And the skills utilized in keeping a romantic relationship together aren’t all that much different from what is needed to keeping partnerships in the workplace functioning well. “At work, as in marriage or relationships, communication and positive reinforcement are essential to success and happiness,” Schloss says.
For example, Schloss says, “tell your staff, or even your manager, how much you enjoy working together. Everyone likes to hear that they are doing a good job and are appreciated. Hearing that you are appreciated is probably one of the most important emotions in reinforcing positive behavior and effectuating change. And it doesn’t cost a dime!
“In these difficult economic times, where many people have gone without salary increases for years, a little appreciation can go a long way. The most important thing when offering praise is sincerity. Without sincerity, your signs of appreciation will backfire.
On the cautionary side, Schloss says, “when you are having problems with a subordinate or manager, don’t address things when you are overly emotional. You will end up saying things that you will regret later. It is far better to sleep on things, let the emotions subside, and then approach the problem more objectively.
“Even better, take out a sheet of paper and write down the things that are both positive and negative about the job and the person. That way, you can start a conversation recognizing the positive before addressing areas that need improvement. Remember, people who feel good about their job and management will be much more productive. The same strategy applies to marriage. Criticism, sarcasm and threats will not help to overcome marital problems, they only dig the hole deeper.”
Some skills from the workplace can also be put into practice at home. “Approach your marital issues as you would a business problem,” he says. “Remind yourself of the wonderful reasons you married this person. Then when you sit down to talk, you can start positively before addressing problems. And don’t forget to include that you are not perfect and have contributed to the problem as well. It takes two to tango.”
Schloss has experienced a 24-year marriage, a divorce, years of dating, and has been in a loving relationship for three years. Now he privately mentors and coaches single and married men of all ages.
Born and raised in Highland Park, Illinois, Schloss was raised thinking that marriage was a forever thing. “When I walked down the aisle, I thought marriage was forever,” he says. “Divorce was not common in my family.”
His father, Morton, now 94, was in retail business. His mother, Myra, now 91, was a dance instructor and stay-at-home mom. “They are both independent and healthy,” says Schloss. “They recently celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary.”
Schloss graduated from the University of Illinois, Urbana, and earned an MBA from University of Wisconsin, Madison. He moved to Plainsboro in 1994, choosing the location due to the school system, cost of living, and ease of the commute to New York City. A regional advertising manager at SourceMedia’s Mortgage Publishing Group, he has worked with the firm for more than 18 years. His daughter, 25, does promotions and event planning for a Manhattan based media company. His son, 21, is majoring in physical therapy at college.
His girlfriend of three years is Anthea Morrow of Washington Crossing, Pennsylvania. An architect, illustrator, cartoonist, book designer, and photographer, she is responsible for the book’s illustrations, interior design, and photographs.
Despite setbacks in his life Schloss still sees marriage and relationships as beautiful. “The problem is that when we are young we don’t know what we are doing,” he says. “Neither our parents nor schools teach us about selecting a partner, commitment, overcoming problems, and communication.”